Let me state first that I love my son, I would do anything to make sure he is comfy, chubby, and healthy. Never would I ever think to harm him or myself.
I expected to be fully capable of taking care of my son on my maternity leave. Unfortunately after a bout with the flu and Shingles, combined I only had a week with my son that I was not sick and able to hold him. Though I was highly contagious for both due to a fever, I tried my best to breast feed.
I have so much guilt and and anxiety that now with my going back to work my son does not know me. I fear he will become more attached to the female family members who are sitting for us during the day and those that helped during my maternity leave.
I have so much anxiety and stress over this feeling that my doctor has told me I have the baby blues. I did not think it was possible to be sad about my son forgetting about me but it is.
I love and cherish every moment I am able to kiss, hug, hold, tummy time with him and change his poop diapers. I thought to have the baby blues you needed to be sad, or unattached to your baby. I did not think you could have baby blues from fear of not being recognized.
There are a lot of judge mental people when it concerns mothers who admit they have baby blues or postpartum depression. Many people automatically assume that a mother must not want to be a mother or happy with their position to suffer from one of these. When in actuality baby blues and postpartum can be caused by many different attributes in a new mothers life, and for a mother of multiple children.
Today, I am still a little embarrassed to admit that I have baby blues and have a prescription to help cope with my anxiety and stress. Today, in the 21st century it is still frowned upon to admit something that many associate to failure as a parent. It is not a failure but an emotion that for me needs to be helped by the support of my doctor, husband, and kisses from my son E. I take a prescription everyday but overall even if I did not have medicine to help me my family would be the remedy I need. Many women are not so lucky as I am, that is why I am comfortable sharing this, so that they can ask for help from their doctor, friends and family.
thatsnotmyboob 